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Handling Temper Tantrums
A temper tantrum can mean something different depending on your child’s age. Here’s how to decode the reasons behind the screaming and calm your child down.
by: Nancy Ripton
Handling Temper Tantrums
- Early temper tantrums are emotional outbursts that occur when a child becomes frustrated.
- Temper tantrums are more likely to occur if a child is tired or hungry.
- As your toddler gets closer to two years, it will take more than simple distraction to ease a temper tantrum.
- Avoid positive reinforcement and limit the attention you give to temper tantrums.
- Don't take it personally if your child is prone to temper tantrums.
cting out at age one can be very different from the screaming sessions that occur a year later. Here's how to handle temper tantrums at all ages:
Handling Temper Tantrums: 12 to 18 months
Why Temper Tantrums Occur:
"Prior to one year, a child is not physically capable–nor does she have the intention–of throwing a tantrum," says childcare manager Beth Urquhart. But around 12 to 18 months, parents will start to notice a difference between distressed crying and a temper tantrum.
At this age "acting out" isn't about getting attention. Early temper tantrums are an emotional outburst that occurs when a child becomes frustrated. "Toddlers are trying to become independent and accomplish tasks and communicate on their own," says Urquhart. "But they have limited language skills and this can be a frustrating time for them." Acting out is their way of expressing their frustration.
How to Best Handle a Temper Tantrum:
At this age the best way to deal with a tantrum is through distraction. "Take her mind off whatever is bothering her by offering an alternative toy or activity," says early childhood education expert Catherine Ciardulii.
It can also help to offer assistance if your child throws a temper tantrum while trying to complete a task. If you notice she is struggling to do something, such as a puzzle, offer to help and relieve her frustration.
Lastly, to avoid public outbursts, make sure all your child's basic needs are met before you go out. "Tantrums are more likely if a child is tired or hungry," says family living educator Sue Giachero.
Handling Temper Tantrums: 18 months to about 2.5 years
Why Temper Tantrums occur:
As your toddler gets closer to two years, it will take more than simple distraction to ease a temper tantrum. Depending on how parents and caregivers have reacted to tantrums in the past, toddlers can begin to use acting out as a way to manipulate. "Tantrums are more purposeful with older toddlers," says Urquhart. Your child learns: If I do this, you respond this way. If you respond with something positive, your child will use future tantrums as a tool to get what she wants.
How to Best Handle a Temper Tantrum:
Avoid any positive reinforcement of a meltdown. "Don't offer candy or a cookie if she stops and don't give her what she wants," says Urquhart. It's best to give temper tantrums as little attention as possible. If you're at home, you may try saying, "When you're done, we'll move on," and let the tantrum take its course. "If you're in public, put yourself in a situation where you have time for the tantrum to play out," says Giachero. If you can leave a store, leave, and return after the tantrum has ceased.
Give your child the power of choice to help her determine the outcome. Try saying, "It looks like you're having a hard time being calm, do you need to sit down for a while or do you need some help?" Or leave a situation and say: "When you're calm you can come back." "When you provide choice you empower your child," says Ciardulli. This not only helps end the current tantrum, but it can help prevent future tantrums from occurring.
Above all, you need to be firm with your child. Explain child-appropriate expectations ahead of time and set boundaries. If your child has a temper tantrum while you're out - threaten to leave if she doesn't stop, then follow through. Once you give into a tantrum once, you are confirming to your child that acting out is a good way for her to get what she wants.
If your child is tantrum-prone
"Don't take it personally if your child is prone to tantrums," says Urquhart. Children have different temperaments and some are more likely to throw a tantrum than others. Avoid positive reinforcement and limit the attention Most children will stop acting out by about age three.
Meet our experts:
Catherine Ciardulli is an early childhood education expert. She works full-time at Castlefield Early Years in Toronto. For more information on lectures or to ask a question, you can email her at [email protected]. Sue Giachero is a family living educator with
Penn State Cooperative in Leesport, PA. Beth Urquhart is a childcare manager at Macaulay Child Development Centre in Toronto.
