I remember years ago when I worked as a family therapist at a children’s mental health center, my kids would come to visit occasionally and I would feel really stressed about how my clients would view me if my kids acted up. My supervisor had some very wise words for me, she said: “It’s not whether your kids will misbehave, because all kids will sometimes, it’s how you handle it when they do.”

That’s what people will notice. Those words stayed with me and have helped me through many situations. I have even chosen to talk about my own children and my own parenting experiences in my book. I thought it was important to share with parents that no child is perfect, and no parent is either. There are many moments when I think it’s hilarious that I’ve written a parenting book. When I’m impatient with my kids and losing my cool, when I ignore the voice in my head telling me to empathize and stay neutral.

I have great kids, but sometimes that everyday stuff (like my son taking forever to get out of bed, my teenage daughter having a fit because she has “nothing to wear,” or the bickering in the back seat of the car) can get to me like nails on a chalkboard. I can hear that voice in the back of my head telling me to use all the strategies I coach clients to use and even though they work incredibly well, there are still moments when I just can’t do what I know I should do in these situations.

As parents, we need to work towards doing the best we can, but we also have to be realistic. Families are wonderful and complicated. Siblings fight, kids melt down, some moments go well, and others just don’t. This is the stuff that life is made of and these are the very things we will miss one day when our children are grown up and gone.

Family relationships are dynamic and there will be moments when we bring out the absolute best in each other–and moments when we bring out the worst. Children need to learn to deal with other people’s emotions, and they need to know sometimes that they have hurt or upset others. All we can do as parents is work towards being loving and empathic, but firm and consistent, and the rest will take care of itself.

So when my son has trouble getting off the computer, my older daughter gets hysterical because her best pair of jeans is in the wash, and my six year old decides she wants to wear her dance costume to school, I just have to breathe and remind myself that we’re not perfect, but we are perfectly imperfect.

Jennifer Kolari is a child and parent therapist, and founder of Connected Parenting. For more information you can contact jennifer at [email protected] or visit www.connectedparenting.com.

Tags: imperfect parenting, jennifer kolari, parenting help, patient with kids, stress parenting, top parenting advice

This entry was posted on Friday, June 4th, 2010 at 5:50 pm and is filed under Jennifer's Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.